Today is the Day

I have been trying very hard not to sound depressed in my blog. I found that after reading some other blogs which have full of depressing things being written was such a major turn off. I made a promise to myself that even if I don't feel like even care what I write, I always try to make sure that the very least I can do is talked about something else rather than talking about my bad-mood feeling. Who cares anyway?

But today I just couldn't help it. What's with the sudden hot weather, my bodily changes and to keep with people's expectation one way or another. Or are those just my excuses to act the way I do?

I worked my ass off at times, but I still feel that what I do is not adequate. I felt that people is watching my every move, and I am judged for what I do, or in this case, things I didn't do. I feel the pressure of not just becoming a respected professional, but at the same time looking after the welfare of domestic aspect as any good housewife do. I don't know whether it is just inside my head, but me being overly sensitive does have it perks, I can picked up what is other's feeling very easily.

Gosh.. I just hate hypocrites. I try to be myself most of the time, even if it means by being me is unpleasant. I don't force anybody to like me, and I don't force myself to like anybody in return. Just because I don't speak to certain people, it does not mean I hate them, or talk about them behind their back. I use to say what I think, and lots of time it landed me into trouble. Over the years, I learned that sometimes it would be better to just shut up than air my unwanted opinion.

Oh.
What on earth am I talking about..
...
I'm like this when something, or lots of thing troubling my tired mind.
I just couldn't concentrate.

Ok let me see.

What would be the actual cause of my crappy moody post beside the weather, the clock and my sensitivity?

Today really seems to be treating me badly. From morning up to the time I write this, dissappointment comes lining up to greet me.

First, I was so groggy in the morning I couldn't make breakfast. Which I never do actually. But this morning I have a politically correct reason to do it, and yet I didn't.

When everything was quite in the house and before I took my morning shower, I have the courage to measure my weight and *gasped* I weighed more than 7kg off my ideal weight! No wonder both my thigh looked as big as my head..

When I was in the office, there was a big and loud crash at the stupid junction near my office. Judging from the sound produced, it must have been the worst I've ever encountered, and I was right. The accident was between a pickup and an Iswara, and both driven by ladies. It was so bad we have to wait for the Bomba when the police who used the iron cutter and axe failed to release the Iswara driver even with the help of the onlookers. I was so frustrated I couldn't do much to help her, except to offer her my hand and kept her talking. After she was release half an hour later, it was not until another 15minutes to wait for the ambulance to arrive. I found it all so so silly, she could have died while waiting for the ambulance. I hope she'll be fine by now despite the body swelling she had from the impact, and cuts here and there.

And then, just when I was about to immersed into my work, my junior skyping me to verify my claim. Why on earth was he doing with my claim? The way that he asked me about the detail of my claim almost shoot my blood to the roof, literally speaking. It pissed me off so much I decided to cut off the conversation, which is one thing I hardly do but only when I was really really that pissed. Half an hour later the account dept call me to find out what was the ruckus, and she too had received some of my morning leftover pissing. It was a misunderstanding on everybody's part I should say, but this particular engineer really need to brush up his communication skills. And I really need to watch out for my temper too.

There aren't so much thing about my work that I hate most except when I receive a last minute assignment. Last minute assignment means going home late, wasted energy because everything is based on estimates and price offered to client might be out of the range. But work is work, I must go on and do the best I can.

When I was about to leave, I kept on burping and let out a huge amount of gases. Gastric !!! I'm so effing hate it. My tummy bloated like a 5-months preggie.

When I reached home, I immediately head to kitchen to prepare my cooking stuff, fed Jake, shower, clean up the kitchen, do the ironing (oh how I hate it), and start cooking. Babai reached home famished, but glad to have whatever I cook. While having a small talk, I raised my voice over a particular thing that I was not happy about, and the next thing I know....

*insert critters sounds*

we were not talking.

hmmm..........

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.
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It must be the moon...
or something.
or whatever.