Friday, February 6, 2009

To Keep or To Let Go?

Reading nur enjel simple post on her dilemma with a friend reminds me so much of my own life. When I look back, I realized that lots of times I have hurt so many people, unintentionally or not with my neverending antics and so called sensivity. I realized that I have been on the other side of a friendship, someone who can be very possesive and ironically insensitive towards others feeling, or pure ignorant of the people who I actually do care.

Most of the time, I would say I cannot help being sensitive. I am born that way, God gave me the 'talent'. Or so my excuse was.

Realizing that when I hurt someone, in return it hurt me twice as much. Why does that so? In fact, I might look like I couldn't care less, deep down inside I do.

Like Headsteadi comment that I might not care losing a friend (eventhough I don't remember saying that), at least I feel like I lead my life with the least hypocrisy as possible. I can be very cruel and cynical at times, and yet it is because I do what I think is right for me. I don't hide behind superficially nice demeanor outfront, I am someone who are what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of person. People skills you say? I apply it only where it is really really needed haha.

Because of my 'flaw', I indeed lost few, no, lots of friends. And when the reality hit, I learned to distance myself from anybody that I felt dangerously close to me by hurting them earlier in the relationship rather than being emotionally attached and hurt everyone in the process much later. Twisted as it sounds, but the truth is I could not bear to loose another friendship, I rather not have it at all!

Surprisingly, when I thought I will never have any best friend anymore, there are some good friends who knows me inside out, see and accept me for the person I am, hanging close by for years. We do not ask so much from each other, but it is still good to have someone looking for you and dropped by now and then physically or virtually just to have a little chat, and occasionally a soul-searching session. I thank God that besides Babai and my family, I still have few others who actually sincerely care about me.

What would you do if you are unfortunate enough to have a friend like me? Am I a keeper, or a 'loser'? :D


nur enjel said...

loser= would hurt other people for the sake of FUN !

I believe yours is not .

One Other ... said...

Ur too hard on yourself girl. Sometimes it isnt all your fault that you lost friends along the way. People come and go, some leave longer impression, some for just a breeze. but it's important to always be urself and not to apologize for who u are, just perhaps try to compromise. a good friend will accept u the way u r, and if ur a good friend too, ud do the same. :-)

fonsusz said...

people come and go, friends stay forever...rileks reh sumuk, itu hukum dunia...ada hikmah dsebalik segala2 nya...cheer up!

LEon said...

Life is not who having more friends. Only in time of crisis, you will know who are really your true friends who stand by you. Those friends, you must value.

Kris and Nadia said...

yes.. thats true.. so agree wif you sumuk... me too rather to lose a friend/ friends but hey, this is me the real me, and Im just being honest at least to myself right :) cheers

cdason said...

I believe that, even as friends, you should know how to appreciate each other, and be fair. Like toay, I belanja u, tomorrow you belanja me.. its a code of friendship.

Some friends just take and take and take.. and when you stop them from 'taking' one day. they frown, and get angry.. yet.. you have taken nothing from them, and they have been taking everything form you. These are parasites.. and a definitely non-keeper.

Hamidah Mohamad said...

If I may have a friend like you,I will just apply basic principle of give and take that is....try to accept, understand and live with your 'flaws' so you can accept and live with mine too.If you can be this sensitive,then I think you're still a keeper thats worth keeping.

Willie said...

No comment my friend. But i read ur entry and gave it a thought.

headsteadi said...

No comment. Don't want to risk being quoted ...

Sumuk said...

nur enjel : if we look at it that way, agree, im not a loser at least.

one other : thanks dayung.

fonsusz: true. you are one of them.

kris and nadia: agree.

cdason & Kak Midah : that's a fair comment. thanks a lot.

Willie : That's ok. Tiada paksaan :)

Headsteadi : That's ok too. On the other hand, you have said yours.

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