Trust in The Nail

How far do you trust your family/partner/friends? Do you know how to measure the unconditional trust that you have? I know, it's not easy. Or rather, you have known someone so well you don't think so much about it. How to test it?

Try this. Ask them to cut your fingernails. Or vice versa.

Eughh.. I shuddered just by thinking of it. Asking someone, with the exception of a manicurist to cut your fingernails is like waiting for a sharp shooter/knife thrower to shoot an apple on top of your head with their eyes closed. On which by the way, I would definitely freak out and get shot/stabbed for trying to get away.

I was watching TV3 Nona just now, and they were covering the life's of artists' widows, and how they coped after the passing of their life partner. Hariah Yaakob, the widow of the late Loloq's (Malaysian great lyricst) caught my attention when she said,

"...last time, he used to cut my fingernails... now, nobody is here to cut it for me anymore...."

I was amazed by her statement and her forlorn looks. It was unusual that out of all mundane thing, she would remembered that, out of loneliness without her loved one. Maybe her words seems to be a matter-of-fact to most of us, but to me her feelings really described how lonely she felt, how she misses him, and how deep their relationship were. My heart really goes out to her...

I was reminded of the time when I was lepaking with my elder sister during one of our get-together balik kampung session. I forgotten to cut my fingernails and it had become a nuisance. My sister commented on it and I said I did not have the time to cut it. I playfully asked her to cut it for me. Of course I was surprised when she agreed to do it.

Firstly, in my family, we do not really express affection openly towards each other. For her to do it is like showing how she really care for me and it was hmm... kinda awkward...

Secondly, I would not have in my right mind doing something as easy as that for someone. I am fiercely independent since I was a child I have a difficult time teaching myself to do small favors to anyone else.

Thirdly, I have been cutting my own fingernails for all my life because I don't trust anybody to do it for me. I have a certain length of fingernails I would like to keep because I have a very sensitive spot under my fingernails. If I were to cross the line, I would not be able to touch anything for few days while waiting for it to grow back.

And last but not least, what if she accidently cut my skin and I bleed to death? I don't mind the blood, but I just couldn't handle the pain, ouch!

I was like literally asking her to throw the hit the apple on my head with a knife. Can you see how scared I was? Huh?

I was damn scared ok..

While rummaging through my stuff to look for the cutter, I almost chickened out. But then I decided, when will I be able to know. Maybe I could try it once to give my life erghh.. my fingernails to be cut by someone else. Who knows it might be fun I could even enjoy myself.

After some screaming, squirming, scolding, threatening and struggling between me and her, finally she was able to finish my right hand side. It was such an agonizing moment I had to grab the cutter from her and finished off with my other hand haha!

Surprisingly, what I do remember was, how scared I was, and how distrustful of me of my very own sister, who would never ever hurt me in any way. At the same time, I discovered that a new level of love, care, trust, respect and understanding towards my sister emerged deeply inside me from such a small and insignificant experience...

When I got back, I tried that too with Babai to see if it would work on him. Initially, he reacted the same way by being defensive and refused to give in. Anyhow, he eventually enjoyed it and I felt a sense of closeness and different kind of trust than ever before. And now, he would happily let me do it and couldn't wait for his fingernails to grow back for the next session

ps: thank you babai for the trust that you gave me. muckss!!
pps : other readers: oopss sorry feeling sekejap