Saturday, October 25, 2008

Untying the Knot

Author's note : This entry is quite sensitive in nature, but I hope after reading this, people will not hate me, and hopefully whoever read this and knows me will still invite me for their oncoming wedding. And whoever I invite for mine, please please do come...

I am not going to talk about marriage or wedding. This will be about wedding reception. By the way, it is not about how to select the decoration, not about how nice the hotel food is, nor about how much people spent for their reception. It is about Wedding Reception Invitation. A lot of people does not put too much significance on 'who to invite' question, until they get married themselves. A marriage is about tying the knot between a man and a woman, but at the same time, it can untie a knot that come from a friendship or family ties.

...Sometimes, I told myself, why should I care about a stupid girl vow

When we were very young, a group of us best friends vowed that if any of us get married some day, we must invite each other to our wedding. When we were getting older, our circle of friends changed, new environment set in, we became more mature, but nevertheless the vow remains, albeit to different set of BFF.

Throughout my life, my friends who I made vowed to earlier, never gave me any invitation. We lived nearby, and there shouldn't be any excuse for them not to invite me. I have to admit, I felt hurt. Even to this day. Some people say, eventhough we were not invited, it doesn’t mean people forget about us. Sometimes, I told myself, why should I care about a stupid girl vow anyway?

At the same time, there are those which I have invited to, and I should be ashamed for not keeping up to my side of vow by not even showing up myself when I was expected to.
Take a very good friend of mine for example. She went through an engagement, an ‘akad nikah’ and wedding reception on the bride and the bridegroom side, on which all of the occasion happened on different period of time.

For some silly reason, I purposely did not come for her engagement when I had promised to. When she met me the next time, she asked me what happened but I said I was with my then-boyfriend attending some other occasion. She did not say anything further, but I could sense that she felt hurt. I am not proud to say this, but at that time I felt triumphant at my own twisted behavior.

To let you understand how close we were and why it mattered so much that I made it, she was a friend who are so loving to me she even feed me with her hand. She was like a big sister, she took care of me when I was sick and we do lots of thing together. That was until she met her boyfriend, who eventually became her fiancé, and in the end her husband.

I did not like her husband much, I still feel a slight tinge of jealousness because in my illogical mind, he had taken her away from me. I loose all the attention that I used to have and enjoyed. How silly people can be huh? It horrors me today to think that I was such an obsessive person.

Sensing that I might escape (again) on one of the most important event in her life, a few days before the reception, she told me that I’d gonna be her ‘maid-of-honor’.

*Gasp* There was no way I could escape that even if I wanted to. I know for sure that if I turned it down and performed an MIA, that would be the end of our friendship.

I’m still glad to this day that I managed to be on her side and took care of her when she needed me the most, or what she wanted me to believe :p. At the very least, I have reciprocated what she had done for me. Thank you so much for that my friend, I truly appreciate the opportunity and treasure the memory.. (if you happened to read this someday…). She is still happily married to this day with 3 beautiful kids.

There was another friend of ours who got married recently, and my good friend above did not even bother to show up. I was surprised because they used to be close to each other too. She told me that the girl in question did not attend any of her engagement until the reception. She spoke about it in such a vengeance that it made me think of my own oncoming wedding (which I myself don’t know when actually). Before I forget, it is interesting to note that I was not invited for that girl’s wedding because we had put each other’s name in our ‘ List of Unforgiven People in Our Life’, which I mentioned once in my Friendster blog before. How is that happened? Hint : Backstabber…

I admit that I am not anybody’s favorite person in their life, none that I can think of anyway, except Babai maybe. Hopefully. Hihi.. But when we have known someone, laugh and cries with them, gone through good and bad times together, and yet was not invited for their big day, it does hurt. And the level of hurts proportionate to the level of closeness.

With the same token, I would like to apologize sincerely to those wedding that I did not witness when I was invited to, but with the exception of the above story, I did not do it on purpose. And it also does not mean that I did not pray for your happiness in life with your significant other.

So, zero-zero?


Desmond said... zero-zero? Main bola selalu satu-satu. But going to the meat of the 'situation', I have only this to gets complicated. Zero-Zero is complicated if the rules of the game are not defined well and the rules of life never is.

Sumuk said...

Hi Desmond;
The games seems to be simpler when we were younger. But now when we know better, you are right in that sense. it can be very complicated... not to mention ugly. wedding is an occasion to remember, but some mistake intended or otherwise can become an unfavorable memory for a very long time. people will remember and talk about for years and years to come.

sometimes i wish i was younger.... life is so much simpler then..

One Other ... said...

I hate weddings... i avoid them like the plague. I especially loath the aunties and mamas and the other married people who keep asking "so when is your turn?" with sarcasm dripping with every word and tone. i dont believe in marriage being the ultimate goal in a person's life. of coz i want to get married someday, i just believe in getting there when i get there, and not because society demands it. when it's time, it's time.

And you girl, it's alright. we all have our vice once in a while. *wink*

lvynana said...

ogi kuk invite muu for my wedding doh?
tp muu doik dtg doh? does tat mean 1-0.
still kuk received a belated gift..then 0-1 lagi.
watnoh ka zero-zero?

Sumuk said...

Hi Other :
o biasa la tu hihih.. someday you'll be asking the same question to your own kin just to tease them i believe. i had my fair share of the same situation, but i just laugh it off. at the same time, i love the beautiful part of wedding, esp during the vow. it can be overwhelming sometimes.

haha!! ini yg aku malas mok crita pasal tok.
depend ngan org juakla kali. mun ada org nerimak gift ya sebagai 1, okla. tapi ada certain org, sik dulik. our 'presence' is much more important then our 'present'.

anyway, masa wedding u mmg musim org mengawan, remember? ada family wedding 1 week after wedding u. aku bukan sengaja sik dtg. so sepatutnya 0-0 juakla :p
ok sik?

One Other ... said...

...nasib baik aku ada pegi wedding ko Ivynana. mun sik, siap juak aku kali. Haha

cdason said...

I have to second One Other's words. I'm not infavour of weddings. The question of 'my turn' will always nudge up...

I mean, when your ready.. your ready.. no need for people to ask... its like pushing for people to get married. Some people do think a lot before handing in their vows... Its not like we can afford (materially) to marry 2 3 times.

Anonymous said...

hmmm.... i went through this experience myself... hard to explain la sumuk.. maybe one day when you organize your own will understand.. you might miss out a few ppl but then... maybe after this experience, maybe you will try to remember everyone...

but don't get pissed off too much if u were not invited la...not a big deal... save money somemore? bwah hahaha... but seriously for me... i don't really feel 'hurt' if i wasn't invited... i just go with the flow...if invited, then attend, else, just anggap nothing happen lor....

but like i said, u might understand one day when u get married... sometimes things are not as easy as it seems... there are so many factors out there ... that sometimes we won't know...

Sumuk said...

cdason :
wow.. it couldn't be that bad.. it can be worse u know.. u being asked to line up to catch the flower every year without fail haha!!!

freeweelee :
yea.. i get what u mean.
i mean, my own wedding is still light year away, but when i think of organizing it, it does scares me in a way.

i do know that i cannot expect everything to be perfect, these kind of glitches somehow bound to happen. it is impossible to invite everybody, what with limited budget that everybody have. nola, i'm not pissed of leh. but if those very close friend, i will hihih!!

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